I started working full time as a research technician in the end of September and my husband will be graduating in May. He is a 6th year pharmacy student and currently works 7 days a week, full time. This leaves little time for us to spend together. We have different sleep schedules as well, him being a night owl, and myself more of a morning person. He usually comes home from work or rotations and sleeps until 6-8-ish and stays up until early in the morning. I on the other hand like to eat dinner around 6 and prefer to go to bed by 11:30.

Overall, we have very little time to spend together and the time we have ends up in arguing. I suppose most of it has to do with my stubbornness and how different we are from each other. Sometimes I fear that our marriage won’t last, but the only thing I can do is try to be a better wife and pray that seeing me change for his sake will win him over.

I am not much of a homemaker. I am not a ‘clean’ person. I am certainly not dirty, but I prefer a ‘lived in’ setting for my home, and he prefers more of a sterile household. I can certainly work on cooking more and having a broader repertoire of what I can make for meals. However, to me, each of these things, especially cleaning is a battle of wills. I feel like I shouldn’t have to do certain duties, and sometimes he will say that he is the husband and I am the wife and that I should do what I’m told. This of course bothers me to no end and I usually react angrily because I don’t want to listen to anyone else besides myself.

This is not how a marriage should work, however, and I will do my best to fix it. Though I must admit that it can be so appealing to just give up and not do anything. Oftentimes I do nothing and waste time because I do not feel like working hard. I definitely have a problem with lazy and idleness. I do not think that I am as bad as the younger generations of young adults who believe that they have the rights to get everything without any effort, but sometimes I get caught up believing that I don’t need to do anything and that things should improve.

That is not realistic and now I do truly understand that in order to get where you want to be you must work hard to achieve that. I have worked hard in school and college, but when it comes to relationships there is a huge hole. I have taken for granted that friendships are easy to keep and have learned the hard way that it IS hard work to maintain friendships. You cannot depend on the other person to set up time to hang out or spend time together. You must go out of your way to call and set up times, because they too may be just as bad or worse at maintaining friendships.

This goes the same for marriages. Marriage does not just WORK with no effort. Sure, if you are brand new and haven’t been together very long it may seem effortless at first due to the initial infatuation period. I have known my husband for over 6 years and although we do love each other very much, the drive to go out of the way to please him just does not hold the appeal that it used to.

I now understand that if I want to improve the marriage that I cannot sit on my behind and expect things to change for the better. I MUST get up and work hard, harder than I have ever worked to love and treat my husband the way he should be treated.

Please do not take this and believe that I am a pushover who puts her husband on a pedestal and thinks that he can do no wrong. We are both sinners and both say and do things that are rude, thoughtless, or downright hurtful and I do not condone that. This is merely to document my efforts as the Unwilling Homemaker in an attempt to win her husband over.

I currently have 3 jobs, however, I am still looking for a full time position. For now, here is what I am doing:

1. Every other weekend I work in the hospital blood lab

2. Soccer official for modified and high school JV and freshmen games

3. Tuesday I begin training to become a PCA –(patient care associate)

This training is 7 days long and then I go to where I will be working (Post-partum/Obstetrics/Nursery) and train for an additional 7 days. If everything goes well I will begin my 12 hour night shift work.

I decided to try out being a patient care associate to see if I should go into nursing. Twice I have gone into specialized programs and they have not worked out so now I will be in the field before making the plunge and going into yet another year of school. Fortunately I found a few programs for alternate entry RN, one of which is in North Carolina. Since I already have a bachelors degree I do not want to go through another 4 years of school and this program will allow me to sit for the RN test after 1 year of school.

Anyways, if all goes well with being a PCA and I really enjoy it I may wait around until a full time position opens up and do that instead of applying to dozens of research positions. It is really frustrating to have gone to school for 5 years for biology and not be able to find a career in my field. I used to think of certain jobs as being below me (like PCA), however, I now know that until I can humbly serve others and realize that I am no better than anybody else that I will never get anywhere…

I will start checking out a few locations where my husband wants to live in NC and see if there are any crimes labs around that are in need of a DNA Analyst. Until then, wish me luck at my new job, and who knows? I may love it and never go back to DNA! We all know RNs will always be in great demand, so we’ll see what happens…

These two particular positions are on the bus route and so if my husband’s car is unfixable or too expensive to fix (we’ll find out next week) I will be able to get to work.

Overall, being at home is very dull. It is one thing if you had children to take care of, but being home alone is not nearly as rewarding. I am very grateful that I have saved enough to last another month or two without working, however, I would be much happier if I could continue to save this $$ for other things.

Watching the money in our bank accounts dwindle after wedding and his car repair expenses I definitely agree with our decision, however searching for a job nowadays is getting harder than ever. I currently work part-time, which pays for about half our monthly rent, but with my husband being an unpaid intern for a year this job alone is not going to cut it. Oh, and don’t forget about health insurance which is very necessary for me since I seem to get sick at the least opportune moment.

Well, I’m off now to read up on a prospective job so I can write an appropriate cover letter. I ask for your prayers that I will find a job soon.

Thank you, and thanks for reading!

I must say, that despite the fact that neither my husband or I had attended a wedding reception, everything went perfectly. I wouldn’t recommend planning a wedding while a full-time student, however, we were extremely blessed in both the beautiful ceremony and awesome reception.

I admit that I was nervous about the whole event, especially due to the lack of knowledge about weddings. Another silly anxiety of mine was that the guests would find the wedding cheap and lame because of our graduate student budget. Once again, we were very blessed and had financial help for 1/2 of the reception and most of the florist’s cost. In total, it amounted to ~$8000 or less (including the honeymoon), $5000 was for the reception alone. I personally do not think that is cheap, but by today’s silly cultural standards it is… especially since many couples spend on average of at least $20,000 and that does not even include the honeymoon. Isn’t that insane?

I will begin to explain the title soon, however, I must tend to my disaster-zone of an apartment and return it to its previous state of semi-cleanliness =)

In short: the wedding and week in the Mayan Riviera was absolutely amazing until Friday night where we spent several miserable hours curled up on the floor of the Chicago airport underneath the up escalator…

Luckily I have been steadily getting tasks done, but I feel like this is nearly and uphill battle so this post is my mini-release and then off to bed with me!

Tomorrow I have to:

1. Pay caterer

2. Drop seating chart and cards off at reception hall

3. Get vases for head table and drop those off at reception hall

4. Go shopping for a bathing suit for Mexico

5. Finish project for my love and drop THAT off at reception hall

6. Eat?!

7. Go by my old apartment and see if any packages were delivered there since we got a package the other day that was addressed to us, however, after opening it was from somebody I didn’t know and was supposed to be sent to KY! I hope we do get the correct package and if it was sent elsewhere that they will be honest and send it back.

8. Have my lovely maid of honor practice on my hair for the big day

9. Get more black ink for the printer since it is nearly gone after printing so much nonsense

10. Eh, and I might as well pay the florist as well… Oh, but she’s off tomorrow so… maybe I’ll just stop by and see if I can pay…

11. ACK!

12. Finish packing and clean apartment (ha!)

I think I might print this list so I do not forget anything… *clicks print screen*

OK, so I think I’m going to bed because I’m going to need an early start to get things done.

BTW: I’m getting married in… THREE DAYS!!! WHOOO!!!

After Mexico I shall resume my quest to become a forensic scientist, in the meantime enjoy your week and a half off from my ramblings =)

1. As soon as it gets dark you’re ready for bed

2. There is a LOT more time available

3. Once the sun goes down you feel like it is really late, when it’s only 9:30pm

4. You finally get around to those books you’ve purchased and set aside before because you were too ‘busy’

Granted I never had much time during the school year and so I never watched much TV, but I am enthralled to be reading again! It’s fabulous. I am currently going through the Barnes & Noble Complete Sherlock Holmes Volume 1 by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

I actually finished Doyle’s first short story, “A Study in Scarlet” and I was very much impressed by how ageless his writing is. There were some words I had to pull the ‘ol dictionary out for, however, thanks to the foot and endnotes in this edition I was able to get through the story quite well.

I decided to read Sherlock Holmes’ stories seeing as he was one of the mainstream fictional ‘forensic scientists’ (if you will) of his time. When he mentioned an infallible confirmatory test for blood I got really excited and realized what a total nerd I was for getting excited.

Now if only we could discover such a test with no cross reactions!

On the other spectrum of my life, is of course my impending nuptials. After realizing that my future groom is going white water rafting for his bachelor party/activity I became rather jealous and wondered why I didn’t think of such a fun thing to do. So here I am in my darkened living room, sans TV, trying to brainstorm a fun thing to do with my lovely ladies.

Alas, I think I will just go to bed and think upon it.

TO DO:

1. Finish wedding bulletins –for the life of me I could not print them out properly

2. Decorate the basket for cards

3. Finish secret project for my dearest (it’s a surprise!)

4. Pray that his car that broke down today will not cost more $$$ and that it will last until we both graduate!

5. Figure out what to do for bachelorette party/activity

6. Several other things that I will think of as I try to sleep tonight

7. ZZZZzzz…

Today we:

1. Applied for our marriage license which was less than exciting

2. Decided on the songs the pianist/organist is going to play

3. Made a meeting with the DJ

4. Called the florist to make a final appointment

5. Submitted the forms to the church to reserve the space and supplies for the rehearsal and wedding day

6. Wrote several checks and watched our small savings dwindle away!

7. Began working on the bulletins to hand out on the wedding day

Whew.

I planned on this blog being professional, but since school is over for now (well, if I passed my Core Exam) it will more personal over the summer due to the lack of school. However, once my internship begins I will comment on the progress of that project as well.

On a random note… Today I actually used the knowledge I learned in my law and science course about the Fourth Amendment and Searches. This was refreshing because it demonstrated that I actually learned AND remembered something! So beware if you are carrying drugs or something else illegal because if you are stopped for a traffic violation you can be searched!

On the subject of forensics, my next task is to scope out areas in California and the Carolinas to see where I can find work after I graduate in December. My fiancé is planning on entering a residency in one of those three states and would like to find out which hospitals are closest to the forensic laboratories. This next year will truly be both exciting and insane, but I look forward to finding work (at last!) because I believe this field is something I will enjoy immensely.

In conclusion, I am very fortunate to have planned most of the wedding last summer because with the school schedule I had over the last year there was no way that I could have had extra time to plan this event. So if you are getting ready to get married, I highly recommend planning ahead if you have other responsibilities. I will also begin my search for future work and find some professional organizations to join so I can attend some conferences and start networking.

My wedding is in two weeks and once I relax this weekend I can get back to work, since next week I will be meeting the florist, photographer, DJ, and the wedding coordinator at the reception hall. If everything goes well I will be picking up my wedding dress tonight after the tailor cuts off the excess material at the bottom after she hemmed the dress several inches.

School, however, is still in the forefront of my mind because this past semester I was able to get a glimpse of what being a forensic scientist would be like and I am very much determined to get there.

Courtroom testimony had to be one of my favorite classes and being qualified as an expert witness (even in a mock trial) just made me feel so good about all the hard work I had been putting into school. Testifying was a neat combination of teaching and applied science because I had to be able to explain some of the more complex science behind the results in a way that a member of the general public could understand. It was truly a unique experience and I hope to be doing it on a regular basis sometime in the future.

I have to get ready for my bridal shower -yay and I look forward to seeing what the theme and everything is!